All our memories are chaotic.
Interviewed by: Ivana Golijanin
As part of the Creative Europe project "100 years of European literature in 10 books", published by Buybook. the novel "My (with) Feelings" by the Portuguese writer Dulce Maria Cardoso was recently translated and published. It is a story about Violeta, a woman who is trapped in a car during an accident, and as she looks at a drop of water falling from the broken glass, her entire life up to that point passes before her eyes. In addition, through the image of Violeta's parents and their relationship to her, the novel gives us an insight into Portuguese society during the "Carnation Revolution".
Dulce Maria, congratulations on the publication of your novel "My (sa)osjejanja" in Bosnian translation. Violeta is both a character and an (unreliable) narrator who, lying in the wreckage of her car, tells us about her relationship with her parents, her daughter and the problems with all of them. Did the stream-of-consciousness technique you used in the novel come naturally from the story you wanted to tell?
The stream of consciousness technique has proven to be an ideal technique with which it is possible to talk about memory. For me, "My (with) Feelings" is a novel about exactly that - about the ways in which we remember things and about memory itself. In them, one situation leads to another, just as Marcel Proust pointed out a long time ago, and I agree with him. There is no straight line between point A and point B in our lives, but we prefer to talk about a curve with many stops, way stations and mistakes we make. With stream of consciousness I found a way to explain memory which is really quite chaotic in all of us.
Violeta gives us an insight into her past, and into the past of her mother, father, daughter, etc. Was it difficult to write "My Feelings" and how much of your experience is in it?
"My (fellow) feelings" is a completely fictionalized novel, and it was as difficult to write as anything else I've written so far. The process of identification is not present in it because I cannot identify with the heroine, nor do I look at my life as she did in her last moments.
Violet doesn't seem to care much about her relationship with the men she's had sex with since her teenage years; she describes herself as an overweight, promiscuous figure, almost a nymphomaniac. Is she being sarcastic or is she just indifferent to that part of herself?
Violeta is an obese woman, and it is not easy for women like her to enter into sexual relations because men usually do not find them attractive. With my novel, I wanted to make Violeta feel like a strong woman, unburdened by her body and the way she looks. For me, she is an extremely strong woman who does what she wants. As a child, Violeta was abused because she was overweight and did not fit the established image of a beautiful, thin girl. I believe that her adult life is in some way revenge for all that she experienced in her childhood.
What were the challenges of writing a novel like this?
At the time of writing, I was interested in poetic language and I tried to write the novel in that style and along that line. I don't know if "My (sa)feelings" sound poetic in Bosnian, but it certainly does in Portuguese. One of the main problems was the question of how to deal with characters who were not good or positive. It was challenging to "live" with them, everything was painful and difficult, but regardless, I wanted to write about recent Portuguese history, and that's why it was necessary to write a story about people like Violeta's parents.
Did you participate in the process of translating the novel from Portuguese to Bosnian?
Translators often contact me with doubts they have about parts of the novel they did not understand, but this was not the case here, so I have to say that I did not participate in the translation of the novel into Bosnian, but I am very happy that readers in Bosnia and Herzegovina now have the opportunity to read "My (sa)feelings" and I wish everyone a pleasant reading. I must say that in July I was invited to come to Sarajevo for the Bookstan literature festival, but I had to decline because I was traveling to Brazil, but I hope that one day I will have the opportunity to come and talk about my novel and my literature to the Bosnian readership.
Speaking of readers: were you afraid the novel would be too confusing and difficult for them to read?
I want to believe that readers are much smarter than people usually think. I know this novel is not an easy read, but I believe that despite that it is still interesting to read. When I write, I don't think much about whether it will be easy and simple to read or whether they will like the writing. Of course, I want them to like it and enjoy reading my novels, but that's not my main concern. I wouldn't even call it a concern. "My (fellow) feelings" are significantly different from my other works, but I don't worry that they will be difficult or confusing to read.
Can you tell us which authors you admire and who you enjoy reading?
I really like the literature of the French writer Annie Ernaux, who won the Nobel Prize for Literature this year. Then I would mention the Canadian writer Alice Munro, who also received this award, the Brazilian author Clarice Lispector, and I am delighted with the Danish writer Tove Ditlevsen, especially her Copenhagen trilogy. Of course, I also appreciate a lot of male authors. Especially JM Coetzee, I really like his works and the way he thinks and writes about life and the world. I certainly include the classics: Dostoyevsky, Tolstoy, Flaubert, Balzac, but also contemporary authors. I recently read Leïla Slimani and I really liked it. I could go on like this all day long, because today many people write very well, and add to all that at least the last three or four centuries of exceptional literature.
You moved to Luanda, Angola as a child, but your family returned to Portugal in 1975. How have the dualities of your identity influenced you as a writer? Do you have any advice for young authors, for those just starting to write?
The fact that I am a person with the mentioned experience and identity is of course present in my books. The fact that I grew up in Angola, became a lawyer, or that I am the daughter of my parents - these are all items that are important when I write and that count when talking about my work. Each of us has a story, and that's the most interesting thing about people - everyone has a story to tell. My advice to young writers is to read a lot, read and read, and only then start writing. And certainly to be completely honest about what they do and to be themselves - not at all trying to be someone else.